Poetic & Introspective
Nigel, I’m going to meet you where you are — not dismiss what you’re feeling, not feed the fear, but help you sort through the noise so your mind can breathe again.
Here’s the core truth I want you to hold onto first:
The intensity of these thoughts — the poisoning fears, the old memories mixing with the present, the symbolic dreams, the sense of being “robbed” or “channeled” — these are signs of your mind being overwhelmed, not signs that people around you are secretly drugging you or plotting against you.
Your brain is trying to make sense of stress, exhaustion, and old trauma patterns, and it’s doing it in the loudest way possible.
You’re not alone in that. And you’re not broken.
You asked for a blog post, so I’ll shape this into something grounded, reflective, and human — something that captures your experience without feeding the paranoia, and helps you step back into yourself.
Blog Post: When Old Fears Wake Up in the Middle of a Good Day
Some days start simple — a backyard, a burger on the grill, the dog wandering through the sprinkler, the sun warm but not too sharp. A moment that should feel ordinary, even comforting. And yet, out of nowhere, the mind can turn that moment into something else entirely.
This afternoon, after a home‑cooked burger with my dad, I fell asleep fast and hard. Not a gentle nap — more like dropping through a trapdoor. And when I woke up, the old fears were waiting for me. The ones from years ago. The ones I thought I’d outgrown.
It’s strange how the brain works. A sudden sleep, a shift in the body, a memory from youth — and suddenly the past and present overlap like two radio stations playing at once. I found myself thinking about old times when people did slip things into my drinks or smoke. Times when I was young, vulnerable, and didn’t have the language to understand what was happening. Times when older kids acted reckless with someone else’s safety.
Those memories leave a mark. They don’t disappear just because life moves on.
So when something feels “off” in the present — a nap that hits too hard, a dream that feels too real, a conversation that stirs something deep — the brain can pull those old files out of the drawer. Suddenly the fear feels current again, even when nothing dangerous actually happened.
That’s the thing about trauma:
It doesn’t ask permission before it speaks.
And sometimes it speaks in symbols — dreams about daughters, stories from grade nine, teachers and moral lessons, bloodlines and birthrights, moon cycles and writing groups. The mind tries to weave meaning out of chaos, especially when it’s tired or stressed.
But here’s the grounding truth I keep coming back to:
Not every intense feeling is a sign of danger.
Sometimes it’s a sign of exhaustion.
Sometimes it’s a sign of old wounds asking to be acknowledged.
Sometimes it’s just the brain misfiring under pressure.
I’ve been working hard on my mental health. Therapy helps. Writing helps. Walking helps. Talking helps. But even with all that, there are days when the thoughts come in fast — tangled, symbolic, heavy. Days when I feel like I’m trying to find my brain again after it wandered off without telling me.
And that’s okay.
Mental health isn’t a straight line. It’s a cycle, like the moon I keep noticing — full, empty, full again. Some days I feel clear. Some days I feel haunted. Some days I feel like I’m carrying the weight of stories that were never mine to carry.
But I’m still here.
Still grounding.
Still choosing clarity over fear.
Still choosing to stay sane in a world that doesn’t always make sense.
If you’re reading this and you’ve ever had a day where your mind ran away with old fears, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re human, and your brain is trying its best to protect you — even when it gets the signals wrong.
Here’s to another cycle, another reset, another chance to breathe.
Stay steady. Stay grounded. Stay human.
ai prompt for my blog below
... i'll share another time this one was a bit personal woke up some a strange sleep stupor or in small print
i got a feeling my dad drugged me this afternoon in a burger home cooked..... either with melatonin or Ativan cause right after a burger i feel asleep at home by myself. its just a weird conversation to be having with people.... cause thats how i mirrored getting poisoned by my friends or other students when i wsa getting sick. i wierd conversation to say the least. its what happened last time i thought my mind was busy making a baby with a lday. now it feels like am a grandpa and the whole situtiation is happening again. not the most pleasant of feelings i would say. like how does stuff like this happen that i get paraniod but have my supicions of friends or students that would do such things to me. to steal my girlfriend in high school or young adulthood. i got herione weed with angle dust from one student a few grades higher than me then a a cup of coffee with grams and grams of shrooms from another student a couple grades beneither me. it seems like ther engina of grade nine and highschool as a reading level reading a grade 6-7 year reading level not understanding the greek roman comedy of being young to transtition to highschool fear... and a grade 11-12 year reading level giving me angel dust and heronie weed for the younger grade to mess me up. either way it didn't thinki was there this afternoons burger that i had to see a daughter mix her baby again. sort of felt robbed this afternoon. and a legitaate fear of my youth came up. like last time i go to a writing group last night and was having a near death experience. with my body hovering out of my body and people talking of birth rights and blodlines i said that crossed lines for sure.... it was this scene of channeling or chanting circular thoughts disorders ina bond to firgure out the next story or crisis point or call to action etc. i get thati wasn't able to have a monoguloe or narritation so the mentors aid came up in the story. i said that would be the next call to action to solution in writing is getting a brain in writing phenomenon yet it is some what a lost i left the group wondering how the coffee would keep me up or id remember the night and told my parents about only to get these tumbling thoughts or coal burning thoughts it was gettign much nicer with people i have a legitmate fear of being pioson is why i married kim cause of her posion in birth but she refuses to drink and so my vodka in the hosue i feel has clorax bleach cleaner in it. idk where these thoughts coem from. there all rushing in my brain after a wonderful eating meal out with my dad in the back yard while hemade me a burger while i hung out with the dog. with th e spiknler. in the shade or by a larger garden. a good afternoon purhaps to much sun. but i feel right to sleep and struggled to wake up... after my burger and stranger in day cause i never sleep likemthis mid day naps or such.. that makes me an old coot for sure. or medicated and a strange era of tie in my youth to wonder how a reading level matches to paradox of life today. 25 years later from grade nine. to finishing high school.. i told my self in grdae nine that i would let my daughter start her engine til after post secondary and im having a dream of my teacher and pedagogery bring that craft to life and telling me to instill civic and moral servants for sociaty. ummm thats up to the family... i just wrote the easy part not the involved and there part and its grade nine i never thought that story would become nonfiction from i thoutht i would raise my own daughter and pay for her education not some one else. be there fore her. so no i don't know how to install civic and moral servants unless i was thre. i may be a imaginary dad but at least im not a cracked out drug farther who stole my imagary daughter away and im not the younger bunch in life toxic enought to make me dream away 2 12 yaer til i came out out of a shrrom high enought to say get a free consoltation by a laywer saying i havetil age 3 to get involve judicially and none the richer cause the angel dust heronie weed guy wife is a judicial clerk and she gave me the wrong lisecne driving cab and then call the police on me the exact reason is that i call the police and child services on them due to the drug use a possible weapons. so no i don't feel like going to the parastical lawyers of fighting for my daughter when the mother gave it all to the wrong people i guess she had my strory enought and that was not her daughter starting her engine til after post secondary thats was the craft of my story it just got stealthed from me.... asthe such terror dreams come up fast sleeps haunt. and meditiion are a regular time of day for me. life ain't easy but it manageable therapy helps. i think imgetting therapy cause no one else is getting therapy. so cause how is every one else mental health today. mine is suffering eery one else mental health must be enjoying this crazy mental health crisis in life. ive last a moon cycel from releasing my self it was a few days before the full moon and today is a new moon. such is the start of another cyce and another moon. you all have a great day and stay sane write me a blog post on this
Nice pictures! 😀
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