Watching geese fly in and a green kite stuck in a 🌲 tree
I got upped in Meds again this fall and have gone in 25 walks this September and six walks this October. Usually I don't eat or I go into a fog hearing my name all the time. I guess I have to expect I'll never be called father or dad and be at the bottom of a math, physics joke with the collatz conjecture never having a infinite divergent trajectory.
I feel like a whole class in grade school is dancing around me going chanting Nigel and I go. Well yeah in invulnerable speech that I always get myself into with a tics reading books. I always get slightly stuck in a hot right thinking of 4,2,1 cycle of collatzs conjuncture. Which if your trying to solve is something wrong with a person.
I'm I think pandemic and vaccination and tics all driving me nuts.
Reading action books and when I do have dreams all night. Which is often never.
How's my mood, walking fun, I look forward to it or I'd get into a book and forget to eat all day. Then I get angry at everything. Or I lose sleep. So on my walks I get breaks from my mom and see geese sly in. Glimpse of paranioa are seen but are transitioned out quickly. Looking more as https://www.neurosymptoms.org/en_GB/symptoms/fnd-symptoms/functional-tics/
Deal more with trans questions as gay narrative than a biological or science or math narrative.
Than a glimpse of paranioa then transferred out quickly out to character. Seeing a thought disorder get close to building. I see my meds not really making me tired. Even on larger doses.
Most grow out of it. Yet if your having a tics of my name all the time. I see confusion and get stuck in a involuntary tics of speech. Seeing my thoughts broadcasted or thinking I'm on camera or repeating things in first person or secondary person. Or third person. Which might make me look like I'm repeating myself.
And a thought disorder. And why I try to improvise another word to say the same thing I'm saying and trying to say the same thing other people are saying.
Yeah when I drive I feel like I'm getting sweated alt all the time. People's commute are there worst part of day. I took a bus, and it's geared for the commuter more I hear now with technology.
I also feel like I lock my self in my office and try not to interact when I feel hallucinations start.
Seeing myself go into stuff I can usually don't get stuck but a big fear that it will stay and I'll never get out of my illness. So I read. Do I enjoy it, well often I read to be bothered. But often Id like to read a hero action book also and have a dream once in a while.
Yet another embodiment is I'm tired of the matrix triology and the so unheard last movie.
I get that meds duration changes due to a person won't be able to be on the same med longer than 5 years usually. Then they get switch to avoid side affects. The list is growing for my side affects. Health wise I see a change as maybe a cheaper alternative.
When entry level jobs as for diploma or college degrees. And filter everyone out a job is given should be grasped. But I also know if you ask for experience and pay entry level pay that no one wants it is not a labour shortages.
When $35,000 a year and you have a 30k medication even covered 80% your still paying coverage of $2500 and another $7000 in med coat. And spending if your working these jobs with experience at 35k is only 25k which is not that much better than disability. The. You add in 3 or 5 meals a day with fuel and rent it's barely worth it is not more of stressor of an unemployable being an insurmountable right people hold over a person head.
Yeah I get it in an age of supercomputer AI coming in people are going to have to start talking uncertainty of universal basic income. It was tried in an over populatation pandemic control of bill gates paying for birth control but these philanthropist won't pay for vaccines. I get it suppose to be a yearly thing now from books I read.
20000 people dieing in a life time will be like planting 200 million trees.
But back to my paranioa control of seeing a green kite in a tree and my stress of concussion or my society tics which are not due to vaccination but shit as participation on society and funcundity of not having just vague and being at the bottom of a surrogacy math election pun on the other end. Yeah I get the idea of broad name as a dog picking dirt and relaxing walks as such as an emotional boost and sanity quencher from my tics.
I see people say good bye to summer as if it were a person writing a book.
I just feel the biggest thing people could do is have a family. And as such mental taxed in a integrated information theory or Mary syndrome as different math or science.
I guess a change to deal with my tics might be necessary.
I had med changes out of hospital but I feel this time with the health aspects of it. It might be in hospital.
So on my walk I just do today. Walk, say hi to people in the park.
I wish my tic didn't put me involuntary speech to my doctor as saying un- vulnerable I wish I never got my vaccination, I think it would be a perfect way to go rather in today narrative. I saying I might get my third dose later but not soon.
I'm always fighting a broadcast of saying pleasant thoughts of everything but then cause of the constant swears on everything in thoughts or moods or books to not get in a rut that is hard to come out of.
It wasn't even on my doctor list to say. Infact I whited it out once I wrote in in my log days ago. Yet here I'm again to my meds aging and needing a change. So if your not hearing from me for a bit. I think I'll be in touch later in November. As if I figure it goes all as expected.
Tics, vaccination, nonsense. I should say, Thanksgiving weekend and last heretofore a durable new term of meds to hope for.
Back to watching a dog, kite stuck in trees, a many birds nest that fell in the wind storm.
To another 3rd quarter year come and gone.
Hopefully this is a med that could take me to university. And cost way less that could be more affordable. And solve my addictive habits of tobacco or tic behavior.
Often so many grow out of.
A bit nervous for a med change.
Beautiful morning for a walk !
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